Okay
by Erranor
Summary: Bade eventually - short introduction to what will hopefully become a few chapters. Enjoy :
1. Chapter 1

"Are you okay?" He looks at me, his dark brown eyes pleading with me, begging for me to tell the truth, to let him in.

"Beck…"

"Please, I love you." Those three words, they tumbled out of his mouth, falling on top of each other in his desperation to make sure I was okay. It was sudden; I could tell by the look on his face that it even surprised him. "Please." I know it's wrong, I know that I'm killing him but I let the silence envelope the room anyway. The janitors' closet was warm and it smelt musty, like old moth balls and grandmas.

Beck pushes his hair back and looks down. "Jade, come on. I know you, better than anyone, you're not okay and you know that I know." I can't stand it anymore; I look up slightly, just into his eyes. "I'm sorry Beck, I just can't." I turn around and begin to open the door, to move back into the hallway so I can get away from whatever _this_ is, but he grabs my arm and I gasp  
"Ow!" I slap my hand over my mouth but it's too late. He didn't grab me that hard and he knows it. He raises his eyebrow quizzically but it falls quickly, a shocked look appearing on his face.

"No…" he whispers, almost as if I wasn't there, "no, no, no, NO!"

I pull my arms into my chest quickly as his voice rises. Again I turn to leave but I'm stopped by his voice, a soft, sharp whisper. "Stop." I turn to him slowly, my arms still folded across my chest. He looks down and then up at me and I know what's coming. I try to evade his grasp but he pulls my hand towards him and roughly pushes my sleeve up.

"Jade, you didn't." I don't answer because it's quite obvious that I did. I did and nobody was supposed to know, especially not the one person in the world that had hurt me so much.


	2. The Closet

**Hi everyone, thank you so much if you read my story and especially if you reviewed it. I am always open to constructive criticism or just any kind of review I'm sorry this is a little bit short again but I get into the swing of the story the chapters will get longer. This chapter has brief mentions of self-harm so anybody who may be triggered by that please be aware. Anyway here is chapter two of 'Okay'.**

Almost an hour after Beck had first pulled me into the janitors' closet we emerged back into the hall, it was lunch and there weren't many people inside, most were out in the Asphalt Café, out in the stupid sun.

He holds my hand as we walk to his locker. The few people that are in the hall start to whisper like crazy. I try to ignore it but it's impossible, all I can hear are the whispers,  
"_Beck and Jade!"  
"Is that Jade with Beck? Holding hands? Are they together again?"  
"One guess what they were doing in that closet!"_

I keep my face a clean slate, like usual, but somehow Beck can tell the whispers are getting to me and as he goes to open his locker he whispers in my ear "Don't listen Jade, it's none of their business." I almost laugh though, how wrong they are, if only these gossipmongers knew how damn wrong they were… what _really_ happened in the closet.

_Beck gasped as he saw the angry red scratches on his ex-girlfriend's arms. There was no way this was an accident, line after line of perfectly straight cuts, all the way up the inside of her arm till it reached her elbow. Some were clearly older, scabbing over, but the new outweighed the old. Many of them looked fresh, like they'd been done only last night. One of them had started bleeding because of the rough way he'd pushed up her sleeves. "_Jade, you didn't" _he didn't wait for an answer because it was obvious that she had. _

_It took one second for Beck to cover the space between him and Jade in the janitor's closet. It took another second for him to wrap his arms around her but the next second was the most heartbreaking. Because Beck Oliver couldn't stop himself from letting a single tear run down his cheek. And in the second after that Jade West couldn't help but see the lone drop fall and as the seconds went on she wondered. Wondered about anything, about everything, but most of all she wondered about Beck. Why did he care now? Why after leaving her, humiliating her in front of all her friends and _Tori_ did he __just now_ _decide to care? It didn't make sense… but nothing did anymore so it wasn't really that different. So Jade stopped thinking about how nothing made sense and instead lay her head on her ex-boyfriend's chest, thinking only of how nice it felt to be back like this even if the circumstances weren't so nice._

"Jade?" Beck waved his hand in front of my face uncertainly, "Jade, come on." I snap out of my daze and back in to reality. Yes, if only those people knew what really went on in the closet.

_Beck let go of Jade and she stepped backwards cautiously, no words had been spoken since Beck had pulled Jade into his arms and she was unsure of what was coming next. _

"Jade," _Beck's brow furrowed as he tried to think of what to say, _"why?"_ Jade shook her head, glancing towards the ground. She wasn't ready to tell anyone that, especially not Beck, Beck who had hurt her, Beck who she had loved, Beck who she might still love. Beck frowned again, his usually smooth and relaxed manner was gone and instead he seemed nervous and unsure. _"Okay well, well I'm going to help you Jade. This has to stop."

"Why?" _She suddenly demands, her blue eyes piercing into his, _"Why should I do what you say? Why do you even care?"

_Beck pushes his hair off his face again and sighs_, "Because Jade, we might not be together anymore but that doesn't mean I don't care about you, I still know you best." _Jade glares at him, she wants to fight but she's tired of everything and it's Beck, and because of that she lets it go because just as she couldn't help but see that tear she also can't help but wonder if maybe there is still something left in him that longs for her just as much as that thing in her longs for him. And she can't destroy that even if it might not be there._


	3. Friends

**A/N: Hey everyone, I really appreciate you reading my story and especially to those people who review it. This chapter is a bit longer than the others but it's not as good, please**** review this chapter, I'd be super grateful)**

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I sat in Beck's RV, unsure of what I was doing here. It had been months since I'd been in here, since we broke up. I still didn't understand why Beck suddenly cared but there was one moment that I just couldn't erase from my mind… That moment when we were in the closet, my mind flashes back and I sigh as I relive the moment

"_Are you okay?" He looks at me, his dark brown eyes pleading with me, begging for me to tell the truth, to let him in.  
"Beck…"  
"Please, I love y-"_

Just as quickly as I had fallen into my daydream I was snapped out. Beck came back through the door of his RV with bandages, creams and towels. He sits down next to me, "Jade, give me your arm." I stretch out my arm and he seems to ready himself before pushing my sleeve up again, more gently this time. I look down at my arm and it's guilt that floods over me, if I hadn't done this then Beck wouldn't have cried, I can still see that single tear falling to the ground, it kills me knowing that I caused it but I'm happy too because it means that Beck still cares enough to cry for me. Again I am torn from my thoughts as Beck begins to speak, "Oh Jade, I just-"he cuts himself off and I look away from my arm, the angry red lines still carved into my memory. "What?" I demand. "I just… wh-, why, how could you do this to yourself? Why? Who caus He stopped, I imagined him wondering if it was him that had caused me to do this to myself, "I just have so many questions Jade."

I looked into his eyes and almost melted, no, I couldn't do this to him… I just wasn't sure that I could do it without him either. It wasn't for my benefit though, I would rather him happy than me unhappy for the rest of my life, which right now seemed like a distinct possibility.  
"I'm sorry Beck, I can't do this, I have to go." I turned to walk away but for the second time in one day Beck pulled me back, he turned me towards him and the usual look of fearlessness that lived in his eyes was gone, now they were plagued with uncertainty and questions.  
"No, you aren't going. I am not letting you out of my sight until I know that you are never going to do that again."  
"It's not a big deal!" I exclaim, my frustrations suddenly exploding out of me.

Beck tilts his head, almost like a confused animal. "Jade," he looks at the ground and then back up at me, running his hand through his hair. "It is definitely a big deal, people who are happy don't go around doing this. I know that we aren't together and maybe that's part of the reason for this…"

I snort at his last few words and he frowns at me

"Or maybe it's not," he continues, "maybe it's something else. I don't know. The thing I do know?" he stops and grasps my hand tightly in his, "I know that you need help and I know that I can try and give it to you. I promise you Jade that I will be here for you until you're okay.

I almost die as he says that, does he still love me? Is that why he's doing this? Because he still has feelings for me? Maybe he wants to get back together! All my thoughts rush through my head at a million miles an hour but I've got to say something, anything, just so he doesn't think I'm ignoring him.

"Don't you dare make a promise you can't keep."  
"Jade, I never break a promise."  
I almost laugh at his words, "Never?" I question, "You _never_ break a promise?"  
"Never." He looks at me solemnly and I can't help but love him even more.  
"Fine, I will let you help me. But only because **I** want you to, okay?"

Beck's lips pull up into a smirk, the atmosphere in the room suddenly different because of my independent "Of course, only because _you_ want me to."

We spend the next half an hour cleaning my cuts, it hurts sometimes but I keep quiet about it. Somehow letting Beck back in so quickly after being away from him for so long has made me wary. Or maybe it's just that things have changed and that's why I'm so cautious. It doesn't matter why though I suppose because I am and as we sit in silence all I can think of is how hurt I'm going to be when Beck remembers that I'm not worth his time, that I'm worthless, how hurt I am going to be in a few weeks when he remembers that I'm only Jade, nobody special.

Almost as if he could read my thoughts Beck begins to speak again, "Jade, I just want you to know that even when you're better I'm not going to leave you. We'll always be…" he trails off.  
"What will we be Beck?" I ask. He purses his lips together and his eyebrows knot together as he thinks, "Friends." He finally announces, "We'll always be friends."

_Friends_. The word echoes in my head and tears threaten to spill over. _Friends_. But didn't he just say less than five hours ago that he loved me? All my hopeful thoughts from the last few hours are gone, replaced by a single word; _friends_.

So that's it… that's all we are, just _friends._ We aren't getting back together and I was stupid to entertain the thought for more than a second. All I am to Beck now is one of his plain old _friends. _It turns out that those few weeks I'd given to myself to prepare was not time enough. I'm not someone he loves, like I thought I was, I am little more than an acquaintance_. _Once again I am worthless and the little happiness I had gathered in the past few hours is gone, replaced only by a deep, empty nothing and a seven letter word.


End file.
